Jul 8, 2013

Portable, disposable penises - Yes, please!

I was shopping at an outdoors'y store the other day (looking for a fanny pack, as ya do) and nestled right between the travel eye masks and the reading lights, I found unexpected gold.

I remember a while ago finding a similar contraption to this, but they are bigger and kind of remind me of the stainless steel ice scoopers that I used during my bartending days -- not exactly something you'd want to carry around in your over-sized purse unless it really is the ice scooper that you're stealing from the bar. Amirite?
They do have a very nice website, though.
Anyhow, my initial reaction to these products are always giggley and immature. I mean, the function of them is quite silly, BUT then my ever-existing phobia of public toilets kicks in, and I think it's an amazing concept. The further away my ass can be from where some other stranger's dirty ass has been, the fucking better!

I know I'm a bit of a different beat when it comes to my toilet logic, because it's not "germs" per se that make me squirmy (I actually don't give a crap about germs), it's the human filth; even my own filth. Anyone in public health has my utter respect, because I just can't go there. Ever. This is another reason why the "GoGirl" and other reusable devices like the Diva Cup are things I have a hard time with, even though I know they're better for the environment as well as my body . . . blardy bargh blar. And let's face it, not everywhere has a working sink or clean water, so the thought of not being able to properly clean off said reusable device terrifies me beyond anything that could gross me out from the old fashioned alternative.

That's yet another reason why this "new" disposable (yet biodegradable, so that's at least something) product tweaked my interest. Perhaps some day soon, when I can actually SEE my vagina again, I might entertain the idea of trying out one of these little P-Mates -- on a plane comes to mind for sure, because BARF-GAG-WRETCH.

So what?! We still cannot know what it's like to jerk ourselves off just yet, but this is a good start in the right direction to conquering penis envy, for sure.

A Mother Life


  1. I sold the Mooncup for 10 years and I still use mine...wouldn't go back. These disposable babies are awesome!

  2. I have a Diva Cup which I got after my Toxic Shock scare (ugh), but I still have trouble with it. Baby steps.

  3. I actually think those kinda things would be great for the sweeter-smelling among us. Especially when you have to use those absolutely repulsive porta-potties on a 90 degree day. Then, I realized you'd have to carry those things around (the pee cups, not the porta-potties. Unless that's your thing). But...disposable....?
    That would be good.
    As good as not having to enter the humid, broiling piss boxes in the first place.

  4. This was actually a gift in a white elephant exchange I do with a group of women - everyone wanted it and we had to restrain the recipient from demonstrating (she had quite a few drinks in her). Kinda looks like a beer funnel, doesn't it?

  5. After drinking heavily at the beach and then peeing on myself when I tried to pee on the beach, that GoGirl thing looks like something I need.

  6. There's not much of a worse feeling that peeing on oneself, drunk or sober.

  7. Like you I can't stand public toilets - I have a heightened sense of smell and that is bad enough. I couldn't go with the go-girl as it isn't disposable and well, just where would you put it after use....., even washed?

    The disposable ones might be an idea but lets just say that I am not the most co-ordinated among us and I would probably manage to pee all over myself.

  8. OMG Lady! You NEVER cease to make me snort and blow bubbles out of my nose. This is why I pledge my undying love to ya fat guts!
    Thanks for hooking up!

  9. I saw this at a BlogHer a few years back -- the GoGirl. I think they ended up with a contract with the US military for the gals in the combat zones. I love the idea since I've always got to pee. I'd carry saniwipes with me to clean it off. Brilliant idea.
    Great post -- you're hilarious!

  10. @Jessica


    I fear with wipes there would still be hidden drippage that would be missed and I would then have to burn my purse.

  11. Wow! You mean I actually don't have to wait until I'm reincarnated to pee standing up?! Fucking awesome! But I don't think hubby will find it amusing when I pull over at the side of the road and whip out my GoGirl to take a wizz.

  12. I think.. the bigger, the better!

  13. I don't know about the pee chutes (I'd end up peeing all over myself, I know it) but I'm strongly leaning towards trying a DivaCup. I had Toxic Shock last year and it was one of the worst things I've ever experienced. Right up there with the liver and kidney infection I had as a teenager.

    Even still, they freak me out. Just seems so very awkward and messy.


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