Osh Tosh B'gosh

Whether or not you've heard by now, Daniel Tosh did something quite repugnant. In saying that, I'm not going to entirely rant about how much of a douche muppet he is - why? Because I am trying to assess this situation from some kind of middle ground (or at least 70/30). I realize that simply because I have a vagina that would very much like not to be raped, it might not be possible to be unbiased, but there it is.

I would like to think that we're not all complete idiots and when you go to see a show with the likes of Daniel Tosh and Dane Cook headlining that you are going because A) You somehow appreciate their sense of humor and actually paid, or B) Got free tickets and understand who they are but still have thick skin enough to stomach their routine for 90 minutes, or C) Have no idea what you're getting in to because you've been raised in a protective bubble filled with cotton candy.

I would be in the B group, for the record.

Everyone has their limitations to what we do or do not find funny, mostly due to our own unique life experiences and tragedies, so what some would find horribly offensive, someone else thinks it's hilarious. For example, I made an abortion joke on Twitter last year that single handedly lost me almost 30 followers... but I laughed at myself so hard I was nearly in tears - and some people loved it, so I wasn't entirely alone.

And I have laughed at religious jokes.
I have laughed at racist jokes.
I have laughed at sexist jokes.
I have laughed at Helen Keller jokes - actually, they're some of my favorite to tell.

And I also have NOT laughed at religious jokes.
Nor have I at racist jokes.
Nor have I at sexist jokes.
Umm... sorry, Helen.

But I get it. 
And I don't internalize them as personal attacks if I think a joke is in poor taste. We cannot control what we do or do not find funny, but we can control our contextual understanding of every situation and take them with big chunky grains of salt.

So when Daniel Tosh starts making a joke about rape and how hilarious it is (OBVIOUSLY HE WAS BEING SARCASTIC), I would have sat there and zoned out. Since he was allegedly "going on about it" he was very likely struggling to get a laugh and dying a slow comedic death, regardless of the heckling from this offended girl.

Should he have responded to her heckling by saying that it would be funny if she was gang raped?

FUCK NO! WHAT A FUCKING MORONIC THING TO DO.

Slow fucking clap to you, Daniel.
It's obvious that his inability to defend himself with nothing but a juvenile, asinine "I know you are but what am I" type of insult just demonstrates the true depth of his comedic intelligence.

I'd like to think that if it was me, I would have been able to say something like, "Actually, Daniel, it wouldn't be quite as funny as YOU getting raped by 5 guys, or at least one giant guy who's nickname is Tripod."

And only then would I have made my grand exit.

The terrifyingly beautiful thing about the internet is that once you do something so incredibly stooopid, it gets out there for the entire world to see. Tosh acknowledged the situation (which is more than most public figures do on Twitter) and said this...

And here's where I throw in my two cents worth of Devil's advocate to Tosh. When it comes to stand up comedy, have you EVER seen a comic apologize ON STAGE for a joke? Hell no. If comics had to start doing that, they'd sound like us Canadians and begin apologizing after every fucking punchline. Could you imagine Lisa Lampanelli in that situation? She's be toast. As would all other "shock tactic" comics out there. Do these comics impress me? Not in the least...

...but I also wouldn't agree to see them in the first place.

Owning My Lame

Recently, someone I know mistook a 'tongue and cheek' comment on my twitter as a personal attack. I don't know what's more upsetting - the fact that someone I know and love took any of my hyper-dramatized rantics (yeah, I just made a new word) in place of reality, or the fact that I now know that people parooze my timeline without following me. DUDE! If I wanted cyber stalkers, I'd much prefer ones that want to have sex with me.

Just sayin'!

Oh, and one more thing...

If any of you follow me on The Twitter, you know I spew out a lot of shit - and yes, much is directed at family members - but that's the place to vent and have some fun. Take a couple steps back from our stressed out, often ridiculous lives and type out some shots... and then 10 seconds later, it's buried and gone into the Twittersphere's abyss of endless words and emoticons.

If people truly follow my tweets, you would know that out of my almost 30,000 tweets, I'd say that about 25,000 are self-deprecating. And I'm OK with that. I find it rather entertaining and I don't take any of my personal insults... well... personally.

And I don't do it because I am cool with self loathing, because I'm not. Au contraire; I think I'm awesome, but I am able to laugh at all the lame things I do and say and watch and feel.

I think people would be A LOT less susceptible to hurt feelings, and even bullying, if we could all be more self aware about our qualities and actions that are perhaps a little bit quirky. Instead of curling into millions fetal positions all across the world while we get metaphorically kicked in the nuts with words, we should laugh along with them and say, "Yeah, OK. Ya got me. I know it's lame but I love it. So. Fucking. What."

Then, what would or could they do?

Nothing.

 So, here are a few things of mine that I totally realize range from mildly lame to completely ridonk!

1. I watch Days of Our Lives AND Young & the Restless every gawd damn day.
Ask me something - whatch'you wanna know? I got your updates or back stories for the last 20 years, like an over achieving drug dealer... except with far fetched plot lines.

2. I own two pairs of Crocs and they are so fucking comfortable.

3. I also own two pairs of polyester pants - like the kind from Walmart. When I worked there and had to fold them, I laughed my ass off, thinking, "Who the fuck wears these? Some old grannies?" Yup. Now this fat granny ass fills them, and I LOVE that they have an elastic waist and they are wash n' wear.

4. I collect figurine turtles. Like... a lot of turtles. From all over the world. Or given to me by family (or even some from ex-boyfriends) Meh. They all have a story - which I've cataloged and colour coded with stickers underneath each turtle. Seriously.

5. And for the past 20 minutes, I've been balling my eyes out over the series finale of Desperate Housewives.

Yeah, OK. Ya got me. I know it's lame but I love it. 
So. Fucking. What.

Bring it on - I can take it. Yay!